4 Situations When You Should Not Stay in a Relationship

Last week we focused on three reasons a romantic relationship may not be worth saving. This week we look at four situations in which you may want to consider ending your relationship. Buckle up. These situations are important but it doesn’t mean they are easy to read about. Take your time. This post isn’t going anywhere.

Your Mind and Body Tell You

It’s a strong indicator that you should leave if the thought of being physically intimate with your partner regularly leaves you feeling…tired…tense…fearful…stressed…anxious…that your chest is tight or that it’s hard to breathe. Or maybe those thoughts just plain give you the heebie-jeebies. Pay attention to these experiences.

Your body is trying to tell you something. Possibly that you are not safe with this person. Or this person isn’t to be trusted. As women, we are often socialized to trust people and always think the best of them. Especially of men because they are the fathers, the leaders, the pastors, and the CEOs. Unfortunately, men are often the most dangerous person in a woman’s life.

Part of your body’s job is to keep you safe. Without it, you cannot survive! Listen to what your body is telling — maybe screaming at — you. Trust yourself and your body. Your instincts related to safety are there for your benefit and even for the benefit of humankind. You are not a bad person for not wanting to get naked with your partner. Sometimes you’re just not feeling it, but in other situations you may feel relief at never having to bare your body to that person again. If this is a common experience for you, pay attention to what your mind, body and soul are desperately trying to communicate to you. You deserve to be safe, loved, and respected.

You Find Relaxing Chronically Impossible

You may want to end a relationship when you notice that you cannot relax when this person is around. Their presence triggers you to tense up. Or walk on the proverbial eggshells. You censor what you say and do to avoid conflict or upsetting your partner. You make yourself — and your life and ambitions — smaller so as not to upset the apple cart that is your relationship with this person.

You may also have your radar on high alert for what this person needs, wants, or demands. You continually try to please them, anticipate their desires, and avoid setting them off. Perhaps you continually subjugate or flat out ignore, suppress or squash down your own needs to ensure your partner is happy. Their needs always come first and it simply isn’t worth the effort or battle to get your needs and wishes even partially met.

You Have a Sense of Dread

It may be time to end the relationship if when you’re apart for a few days and you realize that you are dreading having to reconnect with that partner or at least be in their sphere again. Consider asking yourself, “If my bank account were unlimited, how much would I pay not to have to be around that person on a regular basis anymore?” The answer may surprise you and it will definitely inform you. Try to resist the urge to push away that thinking or to admonish yourself. You are entitled to your feelings and they are telling you something profoundly important.

Sky Mommy Gives You A Permission Slip

This may be the most important realization that you should end your relationship. You realize that if you could leave or end the relationship without shame, guilt or judgement from others, you’d do so ASAP. Maybe Sky Mommy comes to you in a dream and absolves you of any external pressure to stay in the relationship and she says that any offspring you have with your partner will be fine in the long-term. She hugs you and says that the transition will be tough but that you have the strength, wisdom and support to navigate it successfully. You have what it takes to get you and your offspring to a healthier place and living situation.

Let me be clear however. You don’t need a permission slip from anyone except yourself to end a relationship that isn’t healthy or simply isn’t serving you. If you want to leave, leave. I can promise you that the sky will not fall down. Will the process be stressful and exhausting? Yes, but hell, how much more stressful and exhausting (and scientifically proven to be bad for your long-term health!) is it to stay in that relationship?

I waited at least nine years too long to end my first long-term relationship. Those are years one cannot get back. You may have invested years or decades in your relationship. Those are sunk costs. You only have today and the investments you can make now and in yourself. You only have this one, big, beautiful life. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Sometimes no relationship is better than a crappy one.

I see you,

Merideth