Many of my badass coaching clients are new leaders. They are navigating the transition from a career as an individual contributor into some sort of leadership role. This transition often requires a shift in mindset that some find disorienting, nervous-making, and that serves to dredge up old and perhaps long-forgotten insecurities.
They can find themselves feeling anxious about their new role, what’s expected of them, and whether or not they will be able to deliver the goods. Feeling stuck or paralyzed by indecision or insecurity can overwhelm their amazingly smart and beyond capable brains.
This is the thing with anxiety, nervousness, and indecision - they keep us STUCK, which then just heightens those negative experiences, feelings, and attitudes we have about ourselves. INACTION fuels anxiety the way that a dry, hot summer fuels a forest fire. The result can be a similar struggle to breathe and put one foot in front of the other.
I experienced this kind of anxiety and stuckness due to life and relationship factors in 2015. Then again in 2020 when the pandemic and the symptoms of the stupid BS we call perimenopause hit all at once. These feelings and how they shape the way we see ourselves can be soul crushing. Taking action, making my own decisions and then owning those decision grew my confidence back while also filling me with hope.
Luckily, there’s an antidote to some anxious feelings (note: this does not necessarily apply to chronic anxiety disorders. See a qualified mental health professional you can trust to address those situations.) and definitely to feeling stuck. It’s the opposite of inaction: ACTION. Action breeds confidence more effectively and efficiently than anything else.
Whether we are a new leader at work, a new parent, in a new relationship or contemplating a significant life change, action is what will help us dig ourselves out of the deep, dark hole of insecurity and anxiousness.
Is acting without risk? Nope! Is it worth the risk? Generally. Try it. If the sky falls down due to your action, please message me. :-) Even if your action doesn’t achieve the exact results you wanted, you will almost certainly learn something. Then you can take that new knowledge, insight or skill and apply it to your next action. Little by little, you will be growing your confidence and building the life that YOU want.
This kind of iteration grows our confidence in ourselves, encourages us take more risks, helps us breathe more deeply and know deep down what we’re capable of (and probably connect with a few things that are beyond our reach, at least at the present moment).
Not acting keeps us in our Comfort Zone, which eventually leads us and our confidence to atrophy. Growth cannot happen in the Comfort Zone. Period. Think about someone you know who lives in their Comfort Zone all of the time, maybe even their entire adult life. Do you see them growing? Do they seem happy and enthusiastic about life? Probably not nearly as much as the person who dips a toe in the uncertain waters of new challenges, potential failure, and certain risk. Risk and action help our bodies and our brains know that we are alive and to keep effing going!
If you take an action and the result is disappointing or even catastrophic, you still have a learning opportunity. Specifically, the opportunity to learn and practice self-compassion. No one expects, nor should expect, you to be perfect. Not even you - especially not you! You know yourself better than anyone else does. As long as you learn and grow in your actions and decision-making, you are moving forward and taking fruitful risks. Lean into your self-compassion and remind yourself that you are growing, living, and worthy of both self-love and the love of others.
The times we take the biggest risks often coincide with when we grow our confidence the most. We prove to ourselves that we can take action and the sky won’t fall down. Will there be some messiness to deal with? Possibly, but probably not anything we can’t handle. When we take on scary possibilities and draining insecurities, we give ourselves the opportunity to learn what we not only are made of but what we’re capable of. And no matter what life brings, that knowledge is something we can hold onto and not ever let anyone take away.
What action will you take that you’ve been fearful of? Seize the moment to grow your confidence!
I see you,
Merideth
The cost of inaction last year cost me dearly, and left me utterly broken at the time but in turn I took action on two major things that left me feeling better; one was to go south to Arizona, the other was starting my Substack and publishing my essays and books here. Both have left me immensely satisfied and happier.
Yes, do something rather than nothing, always!