I Am ______
How did you fill in the blank in the title of this post? Kind? Smart? Stressed? Strong? Worried? What follows the phrase, “I am….” is often an important part of our identity. It could an identity role like parent, partner, sister, friend or daughter. Or it could trigger thoughts of how you spend your days - engineer, professor, student, stay at home parent, teacher or social worker.
Some identities we are born with such as where we were raised (I identify as a Texan most days, unless the Texas governor or legislature does something batshit crazy, which is on the regular). Or our ethnicity or cultural heritage may be a significant part of our identity. Where we fall in the birth order among our siblings, if we have any. Part of our identity may relate to a faith or spiritual practice.
I Am = Who You Are
If you read anything in this post, dwell on this: We are how we speak to ourselves. We are who we tell ourselves we are. More importantly, “I am…” is a powerful phrase because what follows is what we become. What we tell ourselves about ourselves is who we become.
We can use “I am” phrases to help ourselves grow, strive and find peace. Or we can use it to tear ourselves down, foster insecurity, and keep ourselves stuck. We get to choose!
Your Future Self
“Be kind to your Future Self” is a phrase I came across several years ago. It often means doing something now that we will appreciate having done further down the road. It could be a simple as setting up the coffee pot to have a freshly brewed serving right as our alarm goes off in the morning. Or getting that workout in because we know it will provide us with more energy and centered mindset later in the day or increase our health span years from now.
Asking “What does my Future Self want or need?” can be helpful in making decisions, both big and small. It helps us navigate career choices or relationship decisions. It can facilitate more effective decisions around our health and vitality. On a daily basis, it shows us where and how we should spend our limited and precious time, energy and attention. Pro tip: not everything or everyone is worthy of your time, energy or attention.
Identity is not fixed or stagnant. Our various identities are fluid. Years ago, I worked in the information systems space at a global accounting and consulting firm. At that time, I identified as a techie. More than twenty years after leaving that role, my techie identity has faded, though I can still tackle home networking and enjoy it. That identity fading was okay and even necessary to be able to take on the identity of researcher and professor.
In some ways my identity as a mother is less prominent these days. My sons don’t need me (want me!) in the same ways they did when they were little or lived at home. Now I’m more of a sounding board, advisor, and hopefully a friend to them.
Sometimes our changing identities are a struggle. Most of my life I identified as a certain dress or clothing size. The B.S. of perimenopause has altered that identity because no matter what I try, my body has shifted and though I don’t weigh that much more than in my 40s, my clothes fit differently. I’m still processing the probable loss of that identity, recognizing the vanity that came with it, and embracing a new identity. :-/
What we should also grabble with in an intentional way and on a regular basis is:
Which identities do we want to keep?
Which identities is it time for us to release ourselves from? (i.e., which ones don’t serve us anymore?)
What new identities do we want to cultivate or embrace?
These are questions I’m contemplating this week. How do you want to shape your various identities during 2024?
Start Your Day Off with a Brain that Serves You
In addition to being mindful about the identities we embrace, it is essential to align our self-talk with those identities. I challenge you to write down or log at least 10 “I am” statements this week. Which do you want to keep or let go of? Are there any that you want to add?
Identify those identities that serve you - these can be roles (e.g., volunteer, friend, person of faith) or adjectives that describe who you are at your core (e.g., supportive, capable, worthy, creative, athletic). Lean into at least three things on that list first thing every morning for the next week. Meditate or think on them. Say them out loud or in your mind, “I am…” See how your days go and how you feel in your own skin by the end of each day. How does your perspective or mindset change?
We are how we talk to ourselves. “I am…” is who we become. Who do you want to be this week? What Future Self do you want to be or to be kind to? You have the power to be successful, happy and healthy. It is all in your grasp. How you talk to yourself is an important first step towards crafting the life you want and DESERVE.
I see you,
Merideth